20 Seconds of Insane Courage

I woke up this morning feeling a deep need to write. For many reasons which will be far too intimate and somewhat boring for you to read. But I realized this is part of me now. Writing. It is my way of feeling...coping...and creating new moments of inspiration. I have found a new favorite movie. It is filled my heart with so many powerful moments. In one part of the movie, the small girl cannot sleep. They have just lost their Mother 6 months prior and as her dad comes into the room, outside there is a party happening next door. As her dad asks her why she can't sleep she says, "Their Happy is too loud". I felt that moment of deep ache of knowing exactly what she was talking about. A few weeks ago, a boy in my home stake in Salem was killed. This boy held a special place in my sisters heart and as the realities began to set in for all involved...I found myself tearing up at work, unable to express why I was so brokenhearted for a family I had only known through others. Then this moment came back to me. I know they have many moments ahead of them where others "Happy" will be far too loud for them. Why am I sharing all of these random thoughts? Well...Here's the thing:) I am now 28 years old. Yep. Scary but true. I am "beginning" in so many ways. Who would have thought I would begin so late eh? But in my many moments these past few years, where others "Happy" was far too loud for me...I am now ready to have 20 seconds of insane courage and find that Happiness again. Perhaps I will fail. But seeing as my greatest failure has already happened and I am still in one piece...I do believe I can do whatever my Heavenly Father places in my life. At least I hope so. So...20 Seconds...Here we go...