Today I am home sick. I can count on one hand the days I have taken off work for being sick. Its not in my blood to be sick. Or perhaps its not in my blood to take off work when I'm sick. But this is the nasty flu that half of America seems to have and I was feeling a bit left out. What is it about sick days that immediately cause you to reflect on your life and all the messes you seem to be in at present. Perhaps part of it is because you can only sit on the couch, sucking on a saltine cracker, hoping the aches will pass before you supposedly "Die". Thus causing you to reflect in all aspects of your life. So...here I am. Back to the Blog I have left long ago...supposing it was just a moment for me to cope with my divorce. But today I am drawn to it. I want to wax philosophical and create the most spell binding blog but in truth...I just need to share some feelings.
When I was young, nothing could get in my way. I assume most of us were like that. When we lived in Lindon, Ut I organized a neighborhood parade. Not sure if there was a particular holiday aside from me wanting to dress up like a clown but with 20 or so kids we created a parade for our parents to come out to see. Of course by the time it started my Velcro-strap-on skates were not working so hot and I was devastated. But the show must go on...and it did.
Of course there was the monthly neighborhood class that was held in my room with 4-5 victims that had their own blanket space, cup of cheerios and a hour long lesson on the ABC's that they already knew by heart. I thought I was destined for teaching. They were bored to death:)
Fashion never seem to intimidate me as I crimped my hair regularly and had no shame in the natural poof I called "Curly Hair". Nor did I seem to care that almost every Halloween I was the same creepy Witch. Repetition was needed. Or so I thought. Bless those neighbors who acted surprised every Halloween at my "Creepy Witch".
Perhaps "Nothing getting in my way" went a little overboard when in 3rd grade I was trying to show off to my long held crush, David Clark...by stealing the soccer ball from his team and making a goal. Of course to get that ball I accidentally tripped and landed quite hard on another team mate. When he came in the next day with a full arm cast...Lets just say I wasn't first pick for anything at recess except for tag and ya'll know how that always ended up. Don't pretend. You know...(wink wink).
Not even getting into the invincible teen years as well as the glorious single adult years...(Another Time...I am sure you are dying to hear all those tales eh?:) I find myself sitting at my computer in Gilbert, AZ and I feel so very...Clear. That sentence doesn't even make sense eh? Perhaps its the "Sick" talking but I wish I could pull out of a hat that deep confidence I had as a child that whether success or failure. I was in.
I want to be back "in" in life. Yes, there are politically crazy things happening. Our World is just as the Brethren have stated for years it would be. The plagues are on full force and have very little to do with frogs, flies and water turning to blood. But they are deep and long lasting. Creating a wake of Dreams lost, Hope diminished, and souls stuck in the belief that no one can save them. But I refuse to buy it.
This weekend I had some great moments at the beach in CA. I decided at Santa Monica Pier that I am done being a victim. I truly haven't tried to be but...it just creeps in so subtly. But then I realized while watching all the cute Asian couples take billions of pictures of the seagulls...My life is exactly what it is supposed to be. In all of my confidences as a child...I have a deeper reality of me. Its messy in some areas but the absolutes far outweigh the doubts. Perhaps I need to get back into neighborhood classes, Parades and the occasional "Creepy Witch" dress up. Back to being sick. I will write soon...I think I need it:)