I may or may not have confessed my somewhat obsession with Hallmark as of late. The blasted hook came during the Christmas Holiday's. When all single women are weak. All those lovely songs of Chestnuts Roasting, Baby its cold outside and All I want for Christmas is you. Its bound to cause a minor nervous breakdown or an outlet. Mine...Hallmark. With this being said, I found after sharing this confession the laughter from at least 60% of the women listening caused me to question..."Am I not alone?!"...which then of course prompted the need for another blog of thoughts...or perhaps gibberish...you be the judge.
This week I feel in love again. I feel in love with love. All growing up I had a Mother who loved the celebration of holiday's...especially Valentines Day. Bags of candies sitting at our plates, crafted hearts filled with sincere thoughts of our greatest qualities and breakfast where everything possible was pink/red or a muted mesh of both...even the milk...Blehk...Bless that woman. Yet with every small trinket, silly valentine or sugary treat...there is something innately addicting about Love.
Many of you, I am sure, are at this point cracking up at my oober slow reality that Love is truly what makes the world go round. Trust me...I was on the Love Train...it just hit some serious bumps these past couple of years.
Don't get me wrong. I knew real heartache at a very young age...Like in 2nd Grade When I specifically picked the perfect Valentine card to place in the Heartthrob of my dreams Valentine Box ...Only to receive a valentine from him with a GI Joe on it saying, "Your Neat." Crushed.
Or perhaps the time when I was sick and tired of the billions of stuffed bears filling the office at Spanish Fork High and bought myself flowers to have sent to me my junior year...yeah. True Story. And yes...I did act surprised all day. Shameful.
Lets not even begin with the many girls nights of ice cream hangovers and dangerous games of truth or dare, or music videos that should never be seen in public. but are. Blast You Tube.
Yet with the many many stories of unrequited love...the success stories are far too deep and far too profound. Like the love of a baby Nephew who is fresh from waking up and lets you snuggle with him for at least 10 minutes. Or the letter that comes at the perfect moment from Grandpa with words that not only bring peace but connect me to God. Or the 5 year old nephew who walks confidently in my room during Dance class, Valentine in hand, dressed to the hilt as my knight in shining armor, cologne and all. A good smelling man...my weakness. The list could go on and on...
And slowly, like the Grinch in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" my heart starts to feel...Tingly. As I drove home this holiday, late after my adult Ballroom Class. The tears started to flow. And unlike many nights of deep sadness...these were different. Not tears of pain. or Sorrow. or even of Joy. Nope. These were tears of being. Tears of being received "as is". Tears of feeling. Just feeling.
We didn't get to the TeleTubbies moment...no worries. There's always next time. Until then...this is my shout out to the many many people in my life who have held my heart these past few years and throughout my life. It has not been easy but so very very worth it. I'm back on the Love Train...Oh heck...that is a total Hallmark Line...Gotta break this...