Yet another moment...

it surprises me that i have not written since my wedding day anniversary. perhaps i shouldn't say it that way, but it was such an incredible day, can't seem to make it a negative. today i watched a movie. one that had the love of my life sharing his feelings about me and us.

i sat on my bed in Gilbert, Arizona and just enjoyed for a moment the memories, quirks and sweetness of my life a year and a half ago...i found myself giggling at answers, smiling at inside jokes and just missing voices of loved ones. as the movie ended i had to shake myself with the deep acceptance of my life. i like myself today. well, i did. but after the movie my heart starts the panic, the absolute dive into the surreal emotions of this time come crashing in, and for a split second i wonder if its all a dream. or perhaps someone will come around the corner cracking up stating, "You've been Punked"...

nope. just another day. a beautiful one at that. I love the sunshine, and Arizona is full of it. today was a huge step. no anger. no disgust or frustration. when i see the face of my past, i just...feel the emotion. acknowledge it. swallow. crank up the girl tunes. and start another day. each day, a little bit stronger. each day, a deeper gratitude for the love of so many. each day, choices made of what to feel, who to believe, what to become. visited my sister in law who now lives near me. kissed my nephew. and listened with a broken heart to her heart. why so many at this time in life must let go of "dreams" for new ones is beyond me...but i see the light in her eyes, the deep understanding that all things will come to an understanding one day. i know it. so...another day letting go of a dream...my beautiful beautiful dream...it was lovely. Until that day, when the new dream astounds me with its realities...another day. lets do this.
love,
me